Rip and I were driving down the road when his phone rang. We are typically together when we’re on the phone, and he either puts his calls on speaker so he can drive with free hands, or so I can hear the call. (He will even hand me his phone to do his texting for him! haha! He tells me what to say and then I text what he says….when he’s driving, he’s driving!) But during this one call, we both heard something that disturbed us both. We heard the person on the other end say they hated everyone. They literally said they “hated” and was using that word in expressing how they felt about other people – family and friends. And that is when I heard him say, “You’re not supposed to hate people.”
Hate. That is a really strong word. And when Rip and I hear someone say how they “hate everyone,” we also hear what they’re really saying – “Everyone is not doing what I want. I’m not getting my way. I’m angry because I can’t have things the way I want them.”
Today’s blog is just not one that will leave us feeling all tingling with joy and laughter and feel-good-feelings. But it is a truth we see all in the Bible and one that can totally destroy a home. God addressed hatred in His Word and I just feel we need to “go there” because we do see this happening more and more in people’s homes…but we all know that THAT is not where it all starts.
Hatred starts in the heart.
People who hate are also people who have to be in control. And people who have to be in control also indulge in self-pity. Self-pity (feeling sorry for themselves) is at the root of their hatred. Self-pity is Satanic.
5 Reasons Self-Pity Is a Sin:
1. Self-pity implies that God exists to serve me. If I’m unhappy, then He isn’t serving me to my satisfaction.
2. Self-pity implies that I, instead of God, know what will make me happy, fulfilled, content, and in control.
3. Self-pity comes from an ungrateful heart.
4. Self-pity leads to murmuring, complaining, criticizing, and being extremely prideful.
5. Self-pity is focused inwardly, rather than outwardly.
What does hatred and self-pity do to a home? Let’s look at Scripture and see –
“…they hated him all the more because of his dream and what he had said.”
“…His brothers were jealous of him.”
“…Come now, let’s kill him and throw him into one of these cisterns and say that a ferocious animal devoured him.”
“…So when Joseph came to his brothers, they stripped him of his robe—the ornate robe he was wearing— and they took him and threw him into the cistern.”
2 Samuel 13:12-18
“No, my brother!” she said to him. “Don’t force me! Such a thing should not be done in Israel! Don’t do this wicked thing. What about me? Where could I get rid of my disgrace? And what about you? You would be like one of the wicked fools in Israel. Please speak to the king; he will not keep me from being married to you.” But he refused to listen to her, and since he was stronger than she, he raped her.
Then Amnon hated her with intense hatred. In fact, he hated her more than he had loved her. Amnon said to her, “Get up and get out!”
“No!” she said to him. “Sending me away would be a greater wrong than what you have already done to me.”
But he refused to listen to her. He called his personal servant and said, “Get this woman out of my sight and bolt the door after her.” So his servant put her out and bolted the door after her.”
2 Samuel 13:22
“And Absalom never said a word to Amnon, either good or bad; he hated Amnon because he had disgraced his sister Tamar.”
1 John 4:20
“If anyone boasts, “I love God,” and goes right on hating their brother or sister, thinking nothing of it, they are a liar. If they won’t love the person they can see, how can they love the God they can’t see? The command we have from Christ is blunt: Loving God includes loving people. You’ve got to love both.”
1 John 3:15
“Anyone who doesn’t love is as good as dead. Anyone who hates a brother or sister is a murderer, and you know very well that eternal life and murder don’t go together.”
Let’s look at what we can take away from each of the Scriptures above
In Genesis, we see that hatred made Joseph’s brothers want to kill him. They were so jealous of him and hated him so much, they became consumed with “controlling the situation” to the point of not only wishing he were dead and gone out of their life, but they came up with a plan to do just that. But one brother (Reuben) suggested throwing him in a cistern instead and “leaving him for dead.” What can we take away from this? In homes where there is hatred, there is violence. Violent words being thrown out with full intention to hurt. Violent actions of selfishness that are intended to harm the person (or people) who are standing in their way. Violent behaviors that injures feelings and causes deep wounds. Violent selfishness that creates chaos all within the home and family. Hatred and violence can be called “the twins of turmoil” because where there is one, there is the other … causing so much trouble and turmoil within the family and household.
In 2 Samuel, we find 3 siblings – Absalom, Amnon and Tamar – 2 brothers and a sister. One of the brothers, Amnon, raped his sister and immediately hated her afterwards and threw her out of the household. When his brother, Absalom, found out what he had done he hated him for disgracing his sister. How does this sibling rivalry end? It’s terribly tragic. Absalom had his brother murdered, then their father (King David) hated his own son and tried to get back at him for what he had done, and they went 5 years without speaking to each other. Finally, during the 6th year, Absalom’s father brought him into his household and kissed him showing his heart for reconciliation. (2 Samuel 13 – 2 Samuel 14:1-33)… … … but it was not a long-lasting reconciliation for Absalom. Absalom soon turned against his father, David. (2 Samuel 15) What can we take away from this? In homes where there is hatred, there are no godly relationships – no God-honoring relationships. Ungodly relationships always include divisions, despair, demonic and disturbing behaviors as well as estranged relationships. Not genuine. Hatred for and toward people actually shows what is inside a person’s heart and that is … no relationship with God, first. As their First Love.
1 John 4:8-10 – “My beloved friends, let us continue to love each other since love comes from God. Everyone who loves is born of God and experiences a relationship with God. The person who refuses to love doesn’t know the first thing about God, because God is love—so you can’t know him if you don’t love. This is how God showed his love for us: God sent his only Son into the world so we might live through him. This is the kind of love we are talking about—not that we once upon a time loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to clear away our sins and the damage they’ve done to our relationship with God.”
Which brings us to 1 John 4 – here we find a rock bottom truth. A person can’t say, “I love God” and then say, “I hate everyone.” Or “I hate ________.” (Put a person’s name in the blank.) If that’s the case, the Bible says they are liars. What can we take away from this? In homes where there is hatred, there are lies. There is falsifying going on somewhere. And as long as hatred is in the heart, there is deception, manipulation, and untruths. All throughout the Bible, when we read about people “hating” other people, we find that they also lie, manipulate, scheme, twist the truth, withhold the whole truth, bark out ungodly commands, and do whatever it takes to make things go the way they want it – not the way God has instructed.
Hatred is a demonic toxin that will utterly destroy a person and a home.
Which brings us to 1 John 3:15 – here we find another strong implication of hatred in a home – murder. Not necessarily speaking only to physical murder, but when a person “hates” they are murdering the relationship with that other person. Murdering trust. Murdering kindness. Murdering the friendship. This one verse literally says that “murder” and “eternal life” can not reside in the same heart. That means…it can not reside in the same HOME, either. What can we take away from this? In homes where there is hatred, there is murder. God calls it just that. God calls hatred murder. My gracious! We should be so quick to examine our hearts and make sure we do not have 1 ounce of hatred in us toward anyone!
I can’t think of a more deadly emotion, a more deadly thought pattern, a more deadly spirit than …. hatred. It is heard in homes when there is yelling, demands, and folks simply wanting what they want, when they want it, the way they want it.
But there IS a better way! So come right back to my blog tomorrow … and there will be another GIVEAWAY to encourage this “better way” of living in our homes!