It has been five years since I sang publicly. I am not worthy to ever hold a microphone and sing again. Yet……..there was yesterday. There was a text message and in that text message there was Grace. In that message there was Redemption.
Not more than two weeks ago I literally prayed out loud in my car for this very thing. My prayer went something like this:
Father, if the discipline is over, if You will ever let me sing again before Your Church, You will have to bring it to me, I will not go looking for it. I will never go down that path again, I don’t trust myself. It will have to come from You…….
I don’t remember every word, I just remember that I told God the desire of my heart. In His Goodness He has allowed me to use my voice in a different way these past five years through teaching His Word. If I never sang again I was at peace with it because He is a good God and a just God. I got what I deserved. I would live with the consequences of my sin because I knew I had been forgiven much, and that was all that mattered.
And then the text message:
Can I ask you to pray about something : ) would you please consider singing for the Ladies Night out on 9/24?
I read it and I was numb. I just went back to what I was doing because I was numb. I didn’t know how to respond. There was even a little fear because I wanted to be sure this was from God and I wasn’t going to mess things up yet again…..
When I did respond all I said was “I will pray about it.” So stupid……I had already prayed about it! God was answering my prayer from weeks ago! Before they call I will answer; while they are yet speaking I will hear. ( Isaiah 65:24 ) I was just buying time. Fear will do that.
FIVE YEARS EQUALS GRACE. From studying His Word I have learned that five represents His Grace.
Yesterday, for me, it was Grace poured out in such abundance I was smothered. Grace poured out so lavishly, there was more than enough. Grace flowing so freely, I could stand under its drenching flow. Grace so costly, it paid for all my sin. Grace so pure, I was made spotless. Grace so alive, so I could live! I got this kind of Grace on September 2, 2015.
Now what do I do with this Grace? What do I do with this Redemption? I pour out the blessing before the Father, so I don’t corrupt myself as Oswald Chambers has said. I pour it out as a sacrifice to the Father. I can’t keep the blessing for myself. I give it back to Him. He alone is worthy.