Change Doesn't Happen Overnight

It was Spring Break 2002  and I was home with the children; we were supposed to be enjoying each other. I had planned all these fun activities yet I couldn’t function. I had taken the last four pills that morning and my body was screaming for more. I did not have any and I had to think quick. That is how insane my life was then—before surrendering to Jesus. I spent all my time thinking about it, driving to get it, lying to doctors, lying to family, sitting in waiting rooms; all the while knowing this isn’t what God created me for.

 What you think about most will become your god. If that’s true—and it is—why not place our thoughts on Him? Read and study His word and know what His plan looks like for our lives. I remember being extremely frustrated that I couldn’t will myself back into a healthy way of life. I remember thinking that I had lived my life before without drugs so why is it so hard to get back there? I had to have help.

When I came back from treatment, the only thing that had changed was the drugs. I came home to the same place, the same people. and the same problems. Which proves what the author says in the “Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous. ”
that the drug is only a symptom of a bigger problem. It starts with something; for me it was self-esteem. I never felt good enough. I didn’t believe His truth about me, that I was created in His image, and that I am just as I am supposed to be. His masterpiece. I had everything physically going for me, a huge house, nice car, 4 children, a husband that loved me, physically fit, and when I looked in the mirror, I liked what I saw physically. But spiritually there was something missing.

I needed help to learn to live again and He sent me a close friend who literally gave her time every day for 9 months, except weekends. She came from 8 am-4pm and held my hand as I learned to do the simple things—washing clothes, keeping a tidy house, cleaning out the clutter, cleaning out my car, taking care of my children’s needs and my husband’s, making beds. It may sound crazy to you but I had never focused on running a home like Jesus wanted me to. My friend made me a schedule and I followed it. She changed my life, and the life of my children. Don’t you see? God sent her to me! He answered my prayer and physically guided me through her. He can do anything if you ask.

Our God is a selfish God. He wants all of you, not just most of you. He must be your focus. I remember a time in my life when my prayer list was all petitions for me and my life. I thought I was focusing on Him by prayer, yet my prayer life was all about me. You have to be careful not to become selfish in your prayer life. Praise Him! Thank Him! Worship Him! A simple prayer that has become a daily for me is this: empty me of me so that I can be filled with You.

We’ve proven that our willpower is not enough to change our behaviors, but He is. So let’s allow HIM to continue the work He started in us when He created us. Let’s walk so close to Him that we can touch His garments.

Character defects, my friend, cannot be improved, they must be removed and He alone can do it.

Please try His way. You can always go back to your way if His doesn’t work for you, you know? It’s your choice.  I choose Him.

Kim